So Impossible

I hide in making myself believe that somehow everything would merge the way we would want to as long as we put our whole self into it. And right there and then you find yourself contradicting your own convictions when you tell yourself... really?

And when we're filled with emotions, we rush to get that pen and paper, just as we go through with pictures... we want to take hold of that memory... for some certain reasons, these memories are so hard to brush aside... maybe its like what you said, you're the only link of hapiness that i have, that maybe right... or its just because happy is with you... contradictions that makes your mind wonder...

now may i ask you, what are you thinking right now? it may be food... school... career... friends and families... anything... i just want to know...

mine goes... "or maybe we will... but how, everything points to --dont even think about it--... and why wouldnt i? one reason that i do... is because its there"

like that dashboard song goes...

Do you like dreaming of things so impossible...

When Its Rains, Its Fours...

Dismissed from work as early as 3pm, with a busted video card at home, I'm now thinking what could I do to waste time...

Finished alot of stuff today, hoping that i couldve solved a couple of bugs... with that said, its a good day... missed you still...

Side note: the revo parked outside got a free parking today, the makati traffic dudes didnt get the chance to ask for the payment... lucky guy...

Soundtrack: Grace Is Gone - Dave Matthews Band, Fix You - Coldplay, Signal Fire - Snow Patrol.

Tuesday

first of all... happy birthday marsh!

Well just got myself a laptop for my own, so i'm mobile now hehe... Marco is coming to Starbucks' near you. Just got my first hands on deployment with our client today and damnit... when pressure sinks in to your finger tips, the blood goes there aswell... and then i was pale. I never really knew what happened there, but my colleagues sure did some bullying when they saw the left and the right eyebrows meet. The east and west might not meet, but surely the left and the right eyebrow can.

It was a good day, did everything (almost) that needs to be done, and i rewarded myself with Krispy Kreme. By the way try the one with the hersheys toppings... its friggin guilty-licious.
Note: if you're on a diet, forget that i even said anything... runaway from Krispy Kreme... ;)

Well I got the ball back... well played bebang hehehe ;) but like i said, as of now... i really don't want to lose this feeling, i just love loving you... Yikkeeeee... and unlike what i was feeling with the other one before (i really wanted something back) this time, i'm fine with the one way interaction hehe, but still hoping... still hoping...

overall... T'was a good day...

soundtrack: The Space Between - Dave Matthews Band, Before Its Too Late - Goo Goo Dolls, Swallowed In The Sea - Coldplay

Finally... Your Ball

So it's finally out, odd as it may be, i have finally let the truth out. I wanted it to be worthwhile, something special to be remembered, but what the hell... my heart will never stop throbbing like crazy everytime i catch you online, or whenever i receive replies from you for the poems that i have posted about you. So maybe now i'd just stop wondering what could have happened, i'd just leave it behind. now its just today and so forth... after all these years of circling and playing around... i finally gathered enough courage to tell you that i love you still...

the stage is set...
2nd quarter into the game
time is not yet of the essence
a deep breath before i step into the court
the play has been given...
everybody's waiting...
i just dealt mine...

your ball...

180 Minutes More for the Sky!

Well, the title doesnt really have anything to do with the post, I just wanted to clear my mind off of things.

First of all, I should hand myself some excuse for scoring 67 in my 2nd 9 holes of golf. The first (on a different course) is somewhere near that number aswell. That being said, I'm no Tiger Woods, well... Not yet. Guys, I'm coming after your 50's!

Whew, and maybe the next thing that I should try to get rid off is this rainy day blues. After that chat I had a little over a week ago, everything messed up. My 'Quan' went haywire from left to right, much like what I did in the 1st hole yesterday where I think I shot 11 out of a potential Par 4. Everything, including my positivity, and not rushing, to now wanting her to go back home. This is nowhere near from what is sane. I know, I should let go... Maybe I will, this is why I made this chapter 'Up From The Get Go' too...

Hopefully I could boost myself away from it.

Mierde... Thats the best description I could give about this emotional roller coaster...

Staying positive, one day, It'll all come to a close... right?

New Chapter, new goal. I think it's about time that I should just pick myself up and start from the get go. It's about time for me to clear my head and try to let go of the stuff that should've been gone by now.

I just saw a picture of us together, and I think theres still an irk within me that wants you to be here by my side... Something that wouldn't happen since your Friendster account says that you're in a relationship and realities like we're miles apart... Nautical miles to be exact.

Every girl I meet, as far as I really enjoyed that short tenure of us not being us, never came close to comparison with you, never. I even had my preferences of an ideal woman basing closely to you, well minus the constant bickering of other people (which I really find cute, but cruel heh).

"Don't let real love pass you by", Damn it, I wish I didn't... I really wish I could turn back time and do everything right. But nothing left but a clean slate, and looking for someone who could stay with you on my pedestal, because, the way I see it, no one could ever replace you there.

I was just looking at that picture and I could just hold this smirk, try to hold back the tears and wonder if we could've been great.

My soon-to-be sister in law told me that try looking for that same person that you can really relate to, even with all the explosive craziness that I hold within me, someone like that, share misadvertures with... I just told her, that I think I already did and did nothing about it... I sticked with my infatuation of someone I knew from the very start that it's as close to impossible.

I feel like crap to tell you honestly... I'm just letting these things out so that you would know that hey, this is not yet through...

Funny thought: Holding something that you can't even grasp in the first place.

This is me, hopefully Up from the Get Go...

Are You Having Fun?

A friend made a conclusion about her experiences about guys. What about them, well most of all why relationships are only fun when its just beginning, since guys only put their best foot forward during those stages of courtships and relationships, then everything just crashes and burns as time passes by. Who has she been dating?

Then I thought, well im not like that... how can i be sure of that, ive never been in one... literally... Sad life eh? I deem not. Im still happy... but when it comes to love and relationships, why do one look for one? I mean when you come and look at it... is it really that important to have a really strong connection with the opposite sex on this age? what for? I asked myself the same question and until now i dont have the answers that will enlighten myself. It seems that everything that I need is already here within me, and im talking about Jesus here.

Happiness... Are you having fun? Am I? With life as it is, yes, im seldom seen down and really emotionally burnt... Or again another misconception of myself... I've always been at miserable park all my life... Strolling around pretending to hold someones hand while feeding the doves or staring at the pale moon light. What have i been doing wrong? This is starting to just become serious. And im still wondering why jerks always end up with them?

Again... Am I having fun?
Hell Yeah...
21 Years old... still kicking... im not going down without a fight... I'll press on...