Among all the feelings that I get to feel daily, this is one of the most constant ones. And being the person that usually over analyzes things and tend to look through the window of tomorrow, this feeling doesn't really help at all when reality slaps me silly and brings me back to the present time.
I get to do a lot of planning my future. And lately, I've been working on this certain step that I would want to happen soon. The most current one and the one that causes my fingers to run out of nails, is my wanting to move to a different country, and boy has it toyed with me for quite some time now.
To be honest, this particular desire of mine to move and find a job there drives me crazy. And what's more crazy is that it's just a month since I was there and finally decided to work on the move.
But here's the thing, before you guys would raise your hands in disbelief and think about how my patience threshold, I have been receiving emails and one in particular did seem to have made strides. It's been almost a week since I responded and that in itself is the very thing that drives me crazy. They didn't acknowledge my email back to them nor have they sent a response of what I should do next. The silence is driving me mad.
A couple of months before, I've felt this very feeling a month before I took my 2 week vacation while having my VISA processed. It was nerve wracking talking to the people who processed my application and the back and forth emails to verify if my "visit" would be legit. The whole waiting game during that time was not kind to me at all. Every morning, I would always worry about how my application is going and I've always wondered if it would succeed. The game lasted a month and I ran out of nails to nibble.
One morning, I didn't have much to do aside from worrying so I made use of that time for prayer and personal reading. I happened to come across this verse:
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
(Philippians 4:4-7 ESV)
The words do not be anxious about anything caught my attention. This verse has directly popped out of the Bible and awakened me to read further. I started from the top and dissected it word per word and thought by thought.
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice...
This very verse made me think of the joy that the Lord has already given me and the promise of this joy to continue later on. I'm sure there will be trials and hard times ahead but for sure, as long as the Lord is before me, there will be peace and joy through this suffering. I can enumerate the times that the Lord has blessed me with this joy and that is enough for me to rejoice in the Lord... always.
Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God...
As soon as I got to this verse, that was the time that I told myself to get a grip, relax and always remember who's in control.
The heart of man plans his way,
but the LORD establishes his steps.
(Proverbs 16:9 ESV)
I've written countless times and reminded and talked about this certain resolution of mine. If there's anything absolute that my soul would rest on, it's the absolute goodness of my God. For others when you talk about the Lord establishing a persons steps and basically takes hold of each and every happening in a persons life, it'll always end up being a debate about mans free will. As you can see, I'm a person who believes that my God is sovereign and is in absolute control of my life and each of the things that happen in it. Romans 8:28 says that all things work together for good, and the verse did say all things not just some things but all things. This pretty much covers everything under the sun including what I'll say or decide later on.
What then should I worry about? what then should I be anxious of? The Lord is at hand, says my brain to myself. This pushed me to just remind myself of such things, breathe deep breaths to calm myself and bow myself in prayer and thanksgiving.
And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
This was the bottom line of that time. Bottom line should always be in Christ Jesus. How you have come to know Christ will be the very peace that would set your feet planted firm.
Times like these when I know that things are not of my control, my mind goes haywire and the peace that everyone would want during these times is nowhere to be found. All through the three phrases that I've read that day, I've come to this reminder that God is good and that bringing His name to fame is my utmost desire (Isa 26:8).
No skill of mine or anything that I could do can change what has transpired or what will transpire. All that I'm sure of, as I am convinced by Scripture, is that my God is in control of my life and that is where my soul would rest on.
The very truth that I'm not in total control of my life is the very fact that I could rest and sleep easy and get rid of the anxiety that troubles me. A good architect has designed my life and a good carpenter is at work with it. And with that... I give thanks.