Prayer

What is prayer? For me it’s really a way to tap into God’s heart, this is a mean of feeling how The Great One truly feels about us. This is how I feel comfort, calmness in the midst of troubles. This is the time where I can hear what the Holy Spirit tells me to do, and trust me, sometimes The Spirit can also tell me what’s about to happen to me, but this is a different story. Prayer can be silence for a long period of time, and still it feels like you’re screaming for more silence as the inner man tries to commune with God. Before I always admire how the psalmist assemble words of passion about God, but when you come within that place where God’s feelings and yours meet, silence can truly mean a lot of words. No words can be uttered, and sometimes I feel that He’s just hushing me, placing His finger on my lips and just telling me to enjoy Him, and after experiencing these, I wanted more, I’m ruined and changing slowly. My passion for prayer goes hand in hand with my Christian day-to-day walk. Before I was compelled to do these things, but more of my own will and strength, everything has to be done to satisfy the “Christian” title. Little did I know that the root of all the actions points to the time you spend with the one we choose to mirror, our own secret time with Jesus. I have always admired preachers, and worship leaders, I have always admired their knowledge and their passion for such things, and I wanted that joy, I wanted that satisfaction that they get when they do what the spirit tells them. I see it in the people we always see on TV, I read them on books and articles over the net. I admire the words that the singers sing, and I wanted that as well, thinking that these things would please God, ministry. I never gave prayer a chance seeing that I’m already doing these stuff, and sometimes asking for the Lord to give me some slack because I’m already doing these stuff, the stuff that makes my teeth grind when I do it, or think about doing it. And I wonder, how do these guys do it? How could the preachers speak with so much confidence and ease, how could singers arrange songs as if they read lyrics carved out from God’s heart, and little did I know that a lot can be birthed from the quiet time that I despised back then. This is where I started to ask for encounter in prayer. At first it was the wordy prayer, everything that came into my mind was the words that came out of my heart, and I started to notice, these are the same words that I speak night in and night out. I got bored, I got bummed with prayer that I just went from 5 minutes tops, to “Thank you for this day, thank you for bringing me home safe, Amen”. Then I started to let my heart do the talking. There was a night when I felt the Holy Spirit tell me of what’s going to happen. I really saw it flash on my head before I made the decision to surf the net, and I brushed it aside feeling that I’m not that weak to fall into lust again. But then I did, and I did exactly what was warned beforehand. Right there and then, my heart screamed and asked for forgiveness. No words but sorry and long moments of silence and through those moments of silence are where I really felt forgiveness and love. No words were uttered but still it was like the Lord was answering everything that my heart was asking. It felt like I’m hearing my heart and the Lord having a sweet and deep conversation about me. And so I asked is this how prayer should be done? Am I really reaching out to you and having a conversation in the heart level? No words were spoken that night, but something changed within me. A burning passion of tapping into that place again, a hunger for God’s heart beat a hunger for that comfort even on times of guilt, there truly is no condemnation in Christ, there is truly delight in his presence, and that is where my passion for prayer ignited. Knowing God in a heart level and feel his kindness for a sinner like me, strengthened me and made me see the cross for what it truly is, a way back to God’s arms, and deeper, his heart. I never really knew God for who he really is. Now the words that are written in the Bible lives compared to the literature that I saw before. And I believe that you can only have that satisfaction that we see in a preachers face as he/she delivers the word of God, and how the song writers arrange such beautiful and inspired words that they sing is when God is REAL within us. And the reality of God can only be attained if we believe that He is, and that belief can be sparked by an encounter through prayer.

Boston Celtics: And The Fellowship Of The Ring

In what seems like a done deal for the Celtics, and the Wolves, that sends KG on a one way trip to Emerald City, and sends promising youngsters Gerald Green, Al Jefferson, Sebastian Telfair, and aging veteran, Theo Ratliff reunited with past-Celts, Ricky Davis and Mark Blount. This could be the end of a busy summer for Danny Ainge and the Celtics organization, and a start of a promising off-season for Celtic original Paul Pierce who was rumored to leave Boston earlier this summer.

The arrival of Ray Allen, and KG creates a new atmosphere in the Fleet Center, as these aging, 30-ish, stars can instantly make Boston a contender once again, and with hunger and heart, these ringless warriors could make the 2008 season interesting in the eastern side of the country once again. Nothing against the Cavs, but they sure do know how to make the NBA finals boring.

As to Minessota, their rebuilding phase, that was wrecked with the Joe Smith incident a decade back, could never frown with KG's departure as they are left Randy Foye, Rashard McCants, and this years draft pick Brewer along with the new arrivals, the high flyer Gerald Green and rising big man, Al Jefferson .

There's more to this year's off-season drama, I'm hoping something would happen with Phoenix as well...

Offseason Drama

It's summer season in the western world, and most likely the most watched time in sports like the NBA, and Soccer. With that being said, I would like to vent out my thoughts regarding the two teams I support, the Phoenix Suns, and the reigning La Liga Champs, Real Madrid.

After a whole season where tension and pressure is clearly seen with the players who perform in the court or the pitch, the offseason would be the playing grounds for their respective front offices, and honestly I'm not liking how they're turning out for the Suns, and a bit mediocre for the defending champs, let's start with the Suns.

Phoenix Suns (eliminated in the Western Conference Semi's against the Spurs 4-2)
In: Grant Hill, DJ Strawberry(r), Alando Tucker(r)
Out: James Jones, Rudy Fernandez(r), Pat Burke*, Jalen Rose*
After a heart breaking end for their season, I was expecting a shake up in the Suns roster that would finally boost them up for contending against the San Antonio Spurs, and would finally get that coveted Larry O'Brien trophy next season. The Suns have been linked with the most targeted superstar in the NBA, Kevin Garnett, for Marion or Stat and obviously some of their unused bench. After that failed, moving up into the draft was the next option for a shakeup but like the previous one, then came, Grant Hill and his weak ankles.

I have nothing against the former 3rd pick overall, but I wouldn't shout out a Hoyay for this acquisition as well. I would like to be optimistic, but I don't think Hill would be that much of a help... Let's face it, our former 2 time MVP aint getting young anymore and along with it, hopes of that NBA title. I just hope Tucker would be that kind of a rookie that Phoenix always drafts (Finley, Nash, Marion, Stat). And as usual, hope for the good.

On the bright side... the self proclaimed 3-point specialist, James "can't shoot for shit" Jones went to Portland along with Rudy Fernandez. I just hope ditching Fernandez would not be that of ditching Sergio "who turned out to be a good point guard" Rodriguez.

Real Madrid (2006-2007 Spanish League Champions)
In: Bernd Schuster, Pepe, Cristoph Metzelder, Saviola, Baptista(l), Soldado(l)
Out: Fabio Capello, David Beckham, Roberto Carlos, Jose Antonio Reyes(l)
It's a wee scary when you look at the transfers done by arch-rivals, Barcelona, Thierry Henry, Yaya Toure, and most likely Gabby Milito. And as for Real Madrid, we basically splurged 30ME for uncapped brazilian (but displays an awesome future as a CB) with Pepe, a couple of pretty good free transfers in El Conejo and Metzi, and still we havent addressed the most important position that any football club would need, the midfield. Looks like theres going to be no Kaka next year, and we're still waiting on the Robben saga, which in my opinion, favors Real Madrid, and Reyes as of now is still an Arsenal player.

A few players have been linked with the champs, including the likes of Chivu, Van der Vaart, and the Mijatovic show has not come to its close yet... so expect more transfers in the coming weeks... with that being said, I believe that we have to prepare for more teeth grinding frustrations...

The 2nd of July

After a week of grief, and reminiscing funfilled memories of my Tita Jojo, who passed away last week, we're now back on track. Everyone trying to recover, trying to cope with a loss of a loved one isn't as easy as it seems. She's always a part of the family, that certain Ultra family clan, a tight knitted family friends that really doesnt have any blood connections (well to some there is) but calls each other cousins. As a matter of fact, I see them almost everyday durin my childhood years, these people were more close than a cousin to me. This Saturday, when the eulogies was made, it came clear how everyone really got connected to each other. It was like reading, or watching a movie discussing the origin of a really big family.

To Tita, well, you're with God right now, in a better place, in a better world, a place where there's no sadness, no grief, nothing depressing, nothing but love and delight. How I envy your new place. You'll never leave our hearts, you'll always be missed, and remembered. Tita, you may have never heard me, but I was there until your final breath, I never really said goodbye, maybe because I can't, until last Saturday, or until now... Arrivedeci, and till we meet again.

Together We Did!

The season that everyone had their eyes on finally came to a close when Jose Antonio Reyes netted the final blow to win against Mallorca, and to win Real Madrid's 30th.

This run could never be more than a dramatic masterpiece that drew to a close in the very last minute, and unfortunately closed the book for brazilian Roberto Carlos, and English star David Beckham who will go to Fenerbache and LA Galaxy respectively. Their exit drew the galactico era to an end and a bright new future for the new madridistas, Higuain, Marcelo, Gago, Robinho and potential first teamers from La Cantera. New comers such as Cannavaro and Ruud Van Nistelroij, who won the Pichichi as La Liga's top goal scorer with 25 goals in his name, will have the Cibeles experience for the first time as well as The Don, Fabio Capello, brought truth to his promise that they will go back to the historic fountain this year.

Madridisimo is back in every Merengue supporters hearts, Together we can, and Together We DID! Congratulations Real Madrid!

Gracias Roberto Carlos y David Beckham, Gracias Real Madrid... iHALA MADRID!

Slice of the Wednesday Pie

It's almost 2 pm, a few hours away from quitting time, and my eyes plays along the music that sooths my ears as I count each tick that rotates in my watch. The checklist of deeds that I've placed in my cubicle are all marked as done, and it's run down the clock time.

And my subconscious awakens.

I have always written everything that goes on the top of my mind, maybe I'd give the stuff that plays behind the curtains a chance to come out.

It's hard to grow up when being young is the only thing that you're good at.

Maximus eh?

You scored as Maximus, After his family was murdered by the evil emperor Commodus, the great Roman general Maximus went into hiding to avoid Commodus's assassins. He became a gladiator, hoping to dominate the colosseum in order to one day get the chance of killing Commodus. Maximus is valiant, courageous, and dedicated. He wants nothing more than the chance to avenge his family, but his temper often gets the better of him.

Maximus		92%
Indiana Jones		79%
Neo, the "One"		79%
William Wallace		75%
James Bond, Agent 007		75%
Captain Jack Sparrow		75%
The Terminator		67%
El Zorro		63%
Lara Croft		63%
The Amazing Spider-Man		63%
Batman, the Dark Knight		50%

Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0
created with QuizFarm.com

180 Minutes More for the Sky!

Well, the title doesnt really have anything to do with the post, I just wanted to clear my mind off of things.

First of all, I should hand myself some excuse for scoring 67 in my 2nd 9 holes of golf. The first (on a different course) is somewhere near that number aswell. That being said, I'm no Tiger Woods, well... Not yet. Guys, I'm coming after your 50's!

Whew, and maybe the next thing that I should try to get rid off is this rainy day blues. After that chat I had a little over a week ago, everything messed up. My 'Quan' went haywire from left to right, much like what I did in the 1st hole yesterday where I think I shot 11 out of a potential Par 4. Everything, including my positivity, and not rushing, to now wanting her to go back home. This is nowhere near from what is sane. I know, I should let go... Maybe I will, this is why I made this chapter 'Up From The Get Go' too...

Hopefully I could boost myself away from it.

Mierde... Thats the best description I could give about this emotional roller coaster...

Staying positive, one day, It'll all come to a close... right?

Jamming At The Front

A Tribute to the old gang back at home...
-----------------------------------------

old days goes back
those times young and free
now bounded with distance
responsibilities and time

that which we didnt have
didnt care about since its there
now we seek that of was lost
to that, raise it up, lets toast

porches and garages
thats where we met and played
us friends, bonded more like brothers
when could we jam once more?

we laughed and never cried
had stiches and petty fights
pretty soon we'll unite
to relive those days of old

with a guitar on hand
music on our hearts
reminisce old times
once more, we'll jam at the front

I Told You So

I tried not to write
harder than I tried not to think
should it be remembered?
it shouldnt be even brought up to awaken

this monster, this emotion
needs to be taken through coercion
soon it will birth uncontrollable notions
this monster, this emotion

how soon was back then
how soon will it blacken
to be buried deep within my hearts depths
I told you that its better, behind we left

I couldnt bury the hatchet
of that one close to something
a start that everyone would imagine
surprises just took its toll

No regrets they told me to do
It was a good memory, indeed it was too
time now plays his cruel identity
constantly hits me that its never were

I tried not to write
harder than I tried not to think
knowing that its going to be hard to get rid
weak as I am, alas, I did...

Free

nothing to write,
yet my emotions scream
how could it show
when the sunlight melts this snow
a cold notion
theres no motion
seems that something was placed in that drink
a love potion
it wreaks my emotions
blank mind
oblivious thoughts
ridiculous ideas
why ponder something so simple
my arms are empty
nothing, not even a pimple
i write so i would free my mind
clear my chest, and wash my hands
to start anew
funny, i still think of you
I pray for this to be taken away
a human emotion, not fit for lonliness
placed in weak hands,
my heart you stole
one night, one smile
a cold notion
sets ablaze these emotions
it runs around freely
it ruins my mind secretly
let me be, let it be
ridiculous thoughts,
they cloud my attraction
so why can i just fill it up
they roam, my eyes they roam
notices everything, im free
one night, one smile
a cold night
...

now i can smile

Up From The Get Go

Could I be up from the get go?
From that point where I start to let go
Thoughts shared from his average joe
just stating his mind, thats all I know

Reality bites, thats one reality check
nothings more real than this slap on my cheek
and even with this pain, this heart is meek
It still beats, so hard it freaks

Will I ever be up from the get go?
but which one, to you, you or that someone you know
He breathes, she breathes
Help me fight this one, help me let go

a long deep sigh, a long deep thought
will never refrain myself from being taught
how could this happen, how could you have wroth
this pain I feel,that one you brought

and as I find a way to end this piece
so that i can retreat to my sheets, and sleep in peace
i'll start on my knees, and not beg you please
knowing that you're smiling will just put me at ease

still bored...

Your results:
You are Hulk

Hulk 90% The Flash 75% Spider-Man 60% Superman 55% Iron Man 50% Robin 45% Green Lantern 45% Supergirl 35% Catwoman 20% Wonder Woman 15% Batman 10%

You are a wanderer with amazing strength.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

Its a Sicillian Thing

What Classic Movie Are You?
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Results of Boredom

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion |||||||||||||||||| 76% Stability |||||||||| 36% Orderliness |||||||||||| 46% Accommodation |||||| 23% Interdependence |||||||||||||| 56% Intellectual |||||||||||||||| 63% Mystical || 10% Artistic |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Religious |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Hedonism || 10% Materialism |||||||||||||||| 63% Narcissism |||||||||||| 43% Adventurousness |||||||||||||| 56% Work ethic |||||||||| 36% Self absorbed |||||||||||||||||| 76% Conflict seeking |||||||||||||| 56% Need to dominate |||||||||||||||| 70% Romantic |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Avoidant |||||||||| 36% Anti-authority |||||||||||| 43% Wealth |||||||||||||| 56% Dependency |||||||||||||||||| 76% Change averse |||||||||||| 50% Cautiousness |||||||||||| 50% Individuality || 10% Sexuality |||||| 30% Peter pan complex |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Physical security |||||||||||||||||| 76% Physical Fitness || 10% Histrionic |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Paranoia |||||||||||| 50% Vanity |||||||||||||||| 70% Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||| 63% Female cliche |||||| 30%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
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Say Hello To Me

How does it feel
To hear your untold thoughts on the radio
How does it feel
Getting ready for the rain that won't come
Isn't it frustrating
Just to reach for the unreachable
But you still try
To rise up and reach for the sky
Even if it drags you to hit the ground
Get hurt and cry
Isn't it frustrating
Just to know that you're unable
But you still try
How does it feel
To have your palms dry, empty and alone
As you sing new love songs
Slow sad emotions that flutter
Singing along these tears
That now resides in fear
How does it truly feel...
To be me...

The Piercing Mirror

So hard to understand this mans heart
his emotions, feelings and hurts
Pains and tears of sorrow
That'll soon turn to be fears for tomorrow
without reason, nor the season
To even put this man in prison

Emotions just hurts and screams louder
Suddenly this man seems subjectible to anger
Confused on where He is
Confused on where he should be

Empty, weak and without knowledge
And to the strong he pays homage
To redeem a heart thats left for rummage
Suffrage for himself
A right given to have a fight
On what seems lost, for a fools sake
And in this post the point is just missed
apology for the one who gets bothered
and throttled by my foolishness

I'll have to wait from now one
Wait for the best among them
For sure It'll come
In completion...
this piercing mirror will gain your reflection

Once more a Wandering Dreamer

The day turns to me as it runs slow
And as I look outside where the cold winds blow
My eyes begins to fight against me
My heart, empty, in gloom it blooms

Frustrations sink below
As I once dreamt of being betrothed
The songs sang by the throngs
As they rush to see deceptions
Traditions of the garters and flowers
Of smiles in faces
As one and one becomes two

I sulked and sought for that moment to be
A bit scared and nervous
It's forever before me
And as the day starts to run slow
I looked outside where the cold winds blow
Once more became that wandering dreamer

Through Your Eyes

How do I look from there
From top to bottom, how's my hair?
Salad on my teeth?
Have I said alot or am I just noise/

How am I through your eyes?
Spick and span, do I even appear nice?
Or is that goof you're with
Just that someone through your eyes

Am I too laxed?
Why do I even ask
What is it that you want?
Do I even pass as someone to rant?

How am I through your eyes?
Or did I just eat too much rice?
My goodness, look at that width
Is that who I am through your eyes?

I don't see those sparkles when we talk
nor feel your hands when we walk
Is it just me or do I think alot?
Uptight, stiff and someone I'm not?
I maybe sick of these lies
Will I be someone through your eyes?

How am I through those eyes?
tell me about your sugar and spice
and brush this uncomfortable mist
and lets talk about your eyes...
just your eyes

How am I through your eyes
could we quit playing these lies
Notice this one that beats
Try to hear them, and pass through your eyes...

Now that...
that would be nice...

Think About Tomrrow

In idle times where my mind is filled with boredom
I could just fiddle with my thoughts
right now as its full of stories and romance
hold my hand and lets start to dance

How do you like looking through tomorrow
and escape todays tormenting sorrows
lets just start with my bank account
that will soon pay for our own house
where we do our chores together
hand in hand catching that mouse

How about that porch we both dreamt of
what about torching a steak on a Sunday noon
while hammering our picket fence and planting flowers to cover dunes
think about those rooms we design
there are 2 bedrooms and 1 single floor
now I can't stop thinking of one blue door
a small bed and toys scattered on the floor

Just think about tomorrow
I can ask my mom to teach me to fix an Alfredo
Just promise me you'll name our dog poncho
raise a son that'll fulfill his fathers dreams
dreams like learning to play the guitar and someone that could sing

and soon... pretty soon we'll be sixty
How I can't wait to love you and get misty
like now when I see you, my hands get flinchy
I can't hold my breath too long
my lips are itchy

How I can just think about tomorrow
Now its time for me to face the tormenting sorrows
So much for that moment I borrowed
Since you're gone how can I make this moment follow...

A Sorrowful Bliss Called Yesterday

I held back my tears
As she suddenly came
Into my mind
She took my time

It damped my eyes
As she came to such surprise
She couldve taken my demise
If only I can turn back time

Traced through my cheeks
As the clock reaches 6
I'd do my usual deed
I pack up, get up and go

I tried to hold back
It damped my eyes
traced my cheeks
next thing you know it touched my lips

A blotch, messed up this paper
A perfectly good paper
wreaked by emotions
By a visit from a sorrowful blissful yesterday

New Chapter, new goal. I think it's about time that I should just pick myself up and start from the get go. It's about time for me to clear my head and try to let go of the stuff that should've been gone by now.

I just saw a picture of us together, and I think theres still an irk within me that wants you to be here by my side... Something that wouldn't happen since your Friendster account says that you're in a relationship and realities like we're miles apart... Nautical miles to be exact.

Every girl I meet, as far as I really enjoyed that short tenure of us not being us, never came close to comparison with you, never. I even had my preferences of an ideal woman basing closely to you, well minus the constant bickering of other people (which I really find cute, but cruel heh).

"Don't let real love pass you by", Damn it, I wish I didn't... I really wish I could turn back time and do everything right. But nothing left but a clean slate, and looking for someone who could stay with you on my pedestal, because, the way I see it, no one could ever replace you there.

I was just looking at that picture and I could just hold this smirk, try to hold back the tears and wonder if we could've been great.

My soon-to-be sister in law told me that try looking for that same person that you can really relate to, even with all the explosive craziness that I hold within me, someone like that, share misadvertures with... I just told her, that I think I already did and did nothing about it... I sticked with my infatuation of someone I knew from the very start that it's as close to impossible.

I feel like crap to tell you honestly... I'm just letting these things out so that you would know that hey, this is not yet through...

Funny thought: Holding something that you can't even grasp in the first place.

This is me, hopefully Up from the Get Go...

Split Screen Romance

This one can make my heart beat
This one can draw me a smile
This one can make me wait a while
This one can make me run the Nile
im telling you that this one is worth the wait
even if it will take me 10 years, and cling on fate
This one can remove my sleep dust
that comfort made to rust
This one can put back that trust
This one, no one else
This one was the one i prayed for
This one, night and day until 4
When could i carry her through that door
This one is a wish that will come true
Have i given alot of clues?
that she’s the one that took my blues
This one i wish to spend forever
Sickness and health, to love so tender
This one i will be jealous on
When she doesnt answer my call
it sets a period on the statement
I know she’ll never be my own
This one ill love too much i know
Will i ever see her tomorrow
so that i could wipe my own sorrow
This one will take my heart
Thats why i ask before it even starts
My Lord, Lover and God… Set me apart.

Silence means what we all know

Im out of words to say
im out of thoughts to think
what could this be
im so tired, so tired to think
Have i brought this on myself
not myself... someone else
current state, unexplainable but seen
im writing a note to myself
where have you been
so far i have sought
now grieving searching and yearning
a heart so empty now it seeks
so much of you, so much of you

whats there to ponder
not even a second to wonder
just think what to say
this is all i have by the way

whats there to offer
but my life now in a sunder
dont think, just pray
I miss you love...

thats all i have to say
i miss those days i have something to hold
now i hope and wait
for that day to come once more
its on my mind
it never escapes my mind
euphoric praise
enlightening phrases
oh im in love
oh great Unseen im in love

whats there to ponder.
not a second to wonder
im here, and ill stay
stare at you and say...

..........................................

Rains and Roots

the skies cries along with me
a man sitting steady like a tree
strong sturdy
on the ground he's fused
but among men
without shame he's abused
my emotions continue to cry and seek
as it struggles so hard to be free
what couldve caused this resolve
that this creature would just dissolve
my foolishness could you please absolve
and let the sky cry until i mold

Mirror Image

Im real arent I?
Bring in the mirror
so that i could see for myself
What am i, who am i...
How hard is it to deal
im not questioning just wondering
what am i, who am i...
overlooked and not booked
others crooked
had their hands shook
come and take my heart
come and take my desires
hard to look and look
but i know its with you that ill find
everything that i seek
everything that i need
and everything that you did
now youre the one overlooked
and not booked
so i see through the mirror
and see myself
what am i... and who am i...
lifes easier to deal
my feelings i love to squeal
to leave no questions
for me to ponder
bitter as i am...
but i know who i am

Are You Having Fun?

A friend made a conclusion about her experiences about guys. What about them, well most of all why relationships are only fun when its just beginning, since guys only put their best foot forward during those stages of courtships and relationships, then everything just crashes and burns as time passes by. Who has she been dating?

Then I thought, well im not like that... how can i be sure of that, ive never been in one... literally... Sad life eh? I deem not. Im still happy... but when it comes to love and relationships, why do one look for one? I mean when you come and look at it... is it really that important to have a really strong connection with the opposite sex on this age? what for? I asked myself the same question and until now i dont have the answers that will enlighten myself. It seems that everything that I need is already here within me, and im talking about Jesus here.

Happiness... Are you having fun? Am I? With life as it is, yes, im seldom seen down and really emotionally burnt... Or again another misconception of myself... I've always been at miserable park all my life... Strolling around pretending to hold someones hand while feeding the doves or staring at the pale moon light. What have i been doing wrong? This is starting to just become serious. And im still wondering why jerks always end up with them?

Again... Am I having fun?
Hell Yeah...
21 Years old... still kicking... im not going down without a fight... I'll press on...

4:40 Darkness

4:40 on the dot on the clock, and when you look at the watermarks on the window, the lights from the cars tail lights and buildings are the only ones that lights the city up.

its unusual but not surprising during the rainy season. Worried on my desk on mid July, just thinking and minding what a dreamer would always think of.

"How is she doing? How am I doing?"

Unfinished

On the nick of time
Throwing what i thought was mine
In a world where mimes abound
Inside this imaginary box, im bound

Playing around, missing the point
soon to be afraid on the corner sitting coiled
in gloom, in the cold, alone and burrowed
holding the borrowed time like its ours

easily budged by strong currents that flows
and to be built like a tree grows
deeply rooted on love and faith, I arose
the damned, the Savior, the saved

the clouds shroud, the rain poured
one tiny spot He cant take on the “formed”
He cries, He delights, with blood He mourned
to have me back in his arms, that I was told

long, long before, young and careless
thats true, I couldnt care less…
what He did I took for granted
Not even seeing to Him ill be grounded

Humble as I stumble
with my toungue thats ready to grumble
the tool of my falls and fumbles
but He began and promised to push through

oh what love could that be
that saved a sinner like me
what love could that be
that not even i cant see

what love could this be…
that the Lord portrayed in me

Last Page

stir my heart for it knows Your Name
Bless my mouth and let it not speak the same
My heart, It cries a song
Words that waited to come out for so long
Now the praise goes to where it belongs

And as you move the clouds to paint the sky
The morning blesses me with your light
Everyday I seek, and everyday I pray
That the Heart of the King be shown today

No greater time it is right now
For this servant to come and bow down
Right here where crowns are layed
Where your beloved have prayed
My heart, it cries too long
Words that transpired to a song
Now the praise goes to where it belongs
back to where it belongs

And as you move the clouds to paint the sky
The canvas lit as your art cries
The most precious Son that I sought and prayed
The Heart of the King is shown today

Photocut

suddenly my emotions run through it
through my veins as it replenishes each skin
to make it pink while losing it blankens my face
in pale white as i took up your picture

i miss the stupid look on my face
and i just miss how you wipe it off me
i miss the sudden rush on my cheeks
that flusters my whole being, like a stroke that tied my toungue

where could it be right now
emotions now runs through it
pumps each and every vein
just hoping that a tone would reach my fingers

to tell you that it lingers
as i point through my chest
and how i like the rush
and how the other expects the thrill

the wait doesnt matter
i plan to do it all out
to start and not finish
to begin, and keep on running

like the blood that pumps on my veins
that engulfs my whole being as i hold your hand
and as morning wakes...
silence... pale... still rushing...

062906

My tower and my strength
pour forth your spirit on this war
My tower, my strength
be with me as I feel her breathe down my neck
shivers on my spine be gone
My tower My strength
he brings me peace
My tower, My strength
brings you down to your knees
my enemies footstool of my feet
The kings that was created
to rule, subdue and dominate
subjugate the spirit that roams here
ambassadors of light
with our tower and strength
we pierce throught the dark
My refuge, my tower and my strength
As I battle with the lines of the enemy
Grant me peace…
Amen

Im so bad at this

Why cant courting and the whole love and relationship be just like what happens in the movies? Theres some chasing, and then dating, a little fighting here and there but it still ends up happily ever after (unless you watch a teeny psycho movie where kids can get strangled by a chordless phone). But why? this whole thing, im just so bad at this! on the reel, its seems as easy as 1-2-and 3, When i speak with someone about this, they tell me not to worry its easy... Why cant i see it that way? why why why!?!??!?!?

This has always been my prayer, every night, im patient, im trained to be patient :), but i just cant see why im not good at this whole thing? why cant i hit the right questions? or even the guts just to call her at home?!? why am i friggin worried about this whole thingamajiggy??? why?!!??

I'd love to know her more and more, i like to see what it is with her that she can handle this easily, that when everytime i see her it seems nothing, but then something tells me, theres more into it... well since thats how i am... and right now, as you can see, its happening.

But then again, i must be doing something wrong with myself... well for one, i should be pursuing #1, Jesus, first :(, but i still feel incomplete waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah....
but surprisingly, by the end of the day, Pursuing Jesus and his presence during prayers and going deep on His word suffices every feeling that i had throughout the day... His presence is still the number 1 reward :D

Just need to scream these stuff out...

Why isnt it like the movies? because movie stars ends up getting divorced thats why...
Thousand Miles na to! (*piano plays*)

Friday (what to do)

6:30pm Festival Mall 2F on Top of Nat'l Bookstore!

GRAVITY

Go NOW! And awaken ;)

----
The Post to end the day...

WOOOOOOOOH!!!! This day is far most one of the best days that I ever had! Spiritual High is at its all time pumped up and hyper state (like i drank a gajillion cups of coffee)... And the mystery just keeps on unfolding...

Heaven on earth... thats what it is :D
Prepare the way :D

And with that... g'night ;)

Subjugating Darkness

Status: [Spiritual hunger is higher than yesterday... sitting, waiting, praying...]

This new mystery that unfolded before my very eyes is so friggin cool. Hehe, I've always been naive and proud of myself knowing some stuff, but there will always be something bigger and better than what I know. Pieces of jigsaw puzzles that just shows the bigger picture out there, and what a beauty it is.

I have always been intact and hard on intimacy, its all that i needed, intimacy and love, while i thought that that was it, when its the whole Nitrous Oxide for a runner to get a bigger picture, its like "Now that youre pumped up, fueled and hyped! now see this and run!" Heh...

Psalms 110:1
The Lord says to my lord, "Sit at my right hand until I make your enemies a footstool of your feet."

One thing is for sure on that verse, someone will be subjugated and another will subjugate. Just like light pierces to the darkest room, just like a voice will be heared in the middle of the dessert, makes it all clear why we, the awakened ones, are awakened to see, hear and do whatever it is that is needed to be done...

The time for subjugation has come and the time to take that step forward again has come, the time to see what it is to see, hear what is to hear, then speak what it is to be spoken has come. Repent for the kingdom has come, and its time to make an advancement and take things forcefully because the enemy will not go down as easy as that (even with me, that booger aint giving up). And its up to us on how we will choose to attack and retaliate. Kingdom against kingdom, hear the command and conquer haha...

Our time is now... Repent for the kingdom has come :)
Salud!

Mid-week Log

Working Confidence at its all time high, with alot of stuff to do and having it done as faster than my superiors have expected (and with slight mistakes) just made my week for me. Spiritual Hide and Seek is getting better and better (the searching for more have never been this fun) missing Jesus' and really going deep just to hear from Him again is as never as fun as it could be. (Going deep on Isaiah 30:41 and just going deep on the first line answers every question that I asked during this times. To be honest, one part of my life is at its all time low, but right now just reading and receiving something from 30:41's first line, its just everything that I need. So its going to be filled up with the best.

Spain won against Tunisia, and what a comeback it was, haha watching it 3am in the morning and just seeing Torres stamped the period on the game made the sleepyhead jump and go wild.

Miami just won today 95-92. Degeneration X (HHH and HBK) reunited on RAW and what a sight it was, a blast from the past with the green strobe lights, green paint, air brushes, and most of all the crotch chops makes me feel like im 15 again.

As the day folds to an end, im all pumped up and hyped and as the title says... The light is green guys! Lets Go!!

2 more days to wrap this week up, and everything just keeps on getting better and better.
The mystery will unfold, pray...
:)

Sink or Swim

Ah yes, sink or swim, finally i came upon this stage of life when I try to conquer fear? Because in reality, you cant even tell what will happen if you dont experience it yourself. I just kept on telling my friends, c'mon you're making relationships a big deal, when all you have to do is try. And for crying out loud someone should be saying those words to me. Try? But what if she scoofs me off, or tear me apart or eat me or... well maybe not eat me, she might get clogged arteries after but going back, fear encapsulates my whole being! Im being eaten by fear itself... Fear of the unknown.

Im trembling, I couldnt even pick myself up from the floor and send her a message containing words. Im just worried that well... BAH! Marc, could you stop thinking for a while, thinking messes everything up. Well, some say sometimes using the brain is proven effective when it comes to loving. What? Shouldnt love be placing yourself in an abandoned mode? Well thats reserved for someone else, (Love ya God) but still, Agape... And throughout the ages, somehow it changed to something being used for petty things... And im being called a fool, sheesh... Then fool it is if its to be that way.

5:00 pm on the dot, 1 more hour to spend to grab stuff and walk pass the office doors, and I cant get her off my mind, I wonder what she's doing. And im thinking about what I should be doing? Ever minute feels like an hour, jeeeeeeeez...

Suddenly i have this urge to scream and shout, its getting crowded in my chest area, what could this be? Thinking about it, i didnt eat something oily today, i swear, i just ate crackers and spam... But strange enough this feeling just grabs hold of me. And let me ask this question, why is it that everytime you talk with someone that you like... wait Why is it that everytime "I" talk with someone "I" like out comes a totally different Marco? Im not silent, but then I get my tounge tied...

But anyway, Sink or swim, this light is green :)

(On a wishful thinking mode)

Oo - Up Dharma Down

‘Di mo lang alam
Naiiisip kita
Baka sakali lang maisip mo ako
‘Di mo lang alam
Hanggang sa gabi inaasam makita kang muli

Nagtapos ang lahat sa di inaasahang pahanon
At ngayon ako ay iyong iniwan
Luhaan, sugatan, ‘di mapakinabangan
Sana nagtanong ka lang
Kung ‘di mo lang alam
Sana’y nagtanong ka lang
Kung ‘di mo lang alam

Ako’y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Hindi mo lang alam
Kay tagal na panahon
Ako’y nandirito pa rin hanggang ngayon para sa’yo

Lumipas mga araw na ubod ng saya
‘Di pa rin nagbabago ang aking pagsinta
Kung ako’y nagkasala patawad na sana
Puso kong pagal ngayon lang nagmahal

‘Di mo lang alam
Ako’y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Puro s’ya na lang
Sana’y ako naman
‘Di mo lang alam
Ika’y minamasdan
Sana’y iyong mamalayang hindi mo lang pala alam

‘Di mo lang alam
Kahit tayo’y magkaibigan lang
Napapaligaya lang sa tuwing nagkukulitan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Ako’y nandito lang
Hindi mo lang alam
Matalino ka naman

Kung ikaw at ako
Ay tunay na bigo sa laro na ito
Ay dapat bang sumuko
Sana hindi ka lang pala aking nakilala
Kung alam ko lang ako’y masasaktan ng ganito
Sana’y nakinig na lang ako sa nanay ko

‘Di mo lang alam
Ako’y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Puro s’ya na lang
Sana’y ako naman
Isang kindat man lang
‘Di mo lang alam
O, ika’y minamasdan
Sana iyo’y mamalayang di mo lang pala alam
Oooooooo

Malas mo
Ikaw ang natipuhan ko
Di mo lang alam
Ako’y iyong nasaktan

Home Wrecker

Where could i run
To find solidarity
Where could i hide
to where peace resides

My heart is troubled
Matters shattered
What was once happy
Now wrecked and battered

How could this be?
When I got you in me
Where this place i grew
Still the same but anger it brews

Oh where could I run back to
Can you place me in some place new?
But I still ask you to renew
The peace this house once drew

5/23 War Encounter

I feel you behind me
i can hear you laughing
snickering mocking my weak flesh

laugh out now for it will pass
I called my Champ, He'll kick your ass
Now let's see who'll run fast

Oh, He's coming
You know it's true
The swine is waiting for you

Kneel in respect
The King is with me
He's the one that set me free

Kneel in respect
Bow your head
You creature of horns and full of red

Burn you will
For in there you dwell
And hide inside the gates of hell

Return no more
Im with my King
Together we will slay your filthy ring

Dont ever come back
Or you will be locked
In prison you will rot and flogged

Feelings of 5-22

how long shall we believe on the norm
that takes us beats us, we're out of form
and we let him snatch us, and our faith torn

how long shall we keep our eyes closed
and of things that are not ours we boast
keep these going pretty soon we're toast

scorched on that porch they seem to know
the fires that will eat us from down below
open your eyes! see others glow!

its not too late, to seal your fate
he loves us so, no need to debate
he loves us so, eventhough we're not that great

oh taste and see his goodness
and feel your heart enter calmness
peaceful and blameless

oh taste and see his presence
better than wine, or the smell of incense
everyone's welcome, no need for license

see him, feel him and peel yourself
of the thick skin that surrounds your pelt
he waits for you, just deny yourself

awaken young people awaken
for this world needs to be shaken
and lets see his arrival quicken

Love, so beaten and overwritten
Needs someone to change it's meaning
Love, what used to be so powerful
Needs to be saved for it's sake

Love, so tattered and used
Now misinforms individuals of her
Love, has now lost it's way
I need you to come back home

Love, I miss your touch
Break this stone where you used to reside
Love, Im so numb, no pain
I want to cry, I want to weep for pain

Love, so sought and rarely found
is right above us, awaken and feel
Love, a love that never gives up
That kind of love that I cant keep up

The Letter

In love i fell
for i loved too well
not to you
where this love should dwell

i crashed and burned
in this i learned
it should be you
that my heart yearns

In pains and screams
my past it leans
you changed it all
for now im clean

but death still lingers
i can feel his fingers
cover me
lets cripple his fingers

and now i know
of whom to seek
my body withers
eyes starts to leak

my wounds are gone
deeds undone
i thank you Lord
lets do this, lets run

help me endure
i'm in this race
help me catch up
and run your pace

hear my cry
from a heart that yearns
truly yours
my name, of yours

The Warrior in Me

with wars i've fought
on my own i'll fall
alone fighting
a burden too much to hold

i seek to my King
with news I bring
strongholds fell
I need my King

He arrives in radiance
with victory in his lance
my King arrives
Then we, as victors, we dance

In this dance, we're not alone
with worship around his throne
and through your whispers
struggle is overthrown

for Holy you are in your name
and be Holy I shall remain
and in this rock you portray
Brings death to anguish and pain

I abandon myself, to you I come
No regrets, to you, I run
My life is yours, I cry to you
You captivated my heart, this towers for you

Come my King, rebuild this wall
My refuge, my tower that I call
My King, My King dont let me fall
Save me, I'm yours, my cry, my all...

As Morning Comes

As morning comes
Your smile sets upon my face
The day goes along
You embrace me leaving trace

As morning comes
Forgiveness showers over my deeds
The day goes along
My smile sets upon your face

As morning comes
Our conversation remains intact
The day goes along
My love grows, thats a fact

As morning comes
Your light covers darkness
The day goes along
You complete me to your likeness

As morning comes
Your smile sets upon my face
The day goes along
Weariness is gone...

Solid! [The Creator Desires] from www.onethingglobal.com

The Creator desires to bring the created into the communion shared between Father, Son and Holy Spirit. His determined desire is to bring us into the fullness of His embrace. The highest privilege God has given the human race is the unthinkable invitation to enjoy intimacy with Him.

He keeps the angels within the boundary lines of servanthood, yet He gives invitation to the human race to enter into the unthinkable: intimacy with Himself. He invites us to cast ourselves into the depths of eternal love and fellowship with the Trinity. Only redeemed humans are invited past that ancient boundary line to interact in intimacy with Him.

When Jesus spoke, “Father I desire that they would be with Me where I am,” (John 17:24) He affirmed the ever-present desire of God from eternity -- that humanity would be near to Him, entering into the fellowship of the Godhead. This place of communion is the place from which we were brought forth and the place that we will return. History began in a garden and will end with a wedding. The fullness of love is our destination.

Communion with God is the continual expression and experience of mutual affection between God and the human heart. Not only do we receive His love but we experience the absolute delight of loving Him in return. I John 4:19 “We love Him because He first loved us.” The reward of our lives now and for all eternity is to love Him and to receive His love.

Communion with God flows out of likeness to Him. God cannot commune with that which is unlike Him. Therefore, it is as we are transformed, that we come into greater communion and union with God. This does not mean that we can know no communion with God until we are made perfectly holy.

Communion with God is a growing reality that matures in correspondence with our growth in holiness. In as much as we are transformed into His likeness, from glory to glory, our communion with Him expands. The very tasting of initial intimacy ruins us so that we cannot remain where we are. Our souls demand a greater entrance into the glorious intimacy for which we were created.

There are two parts of communion with God: the hunger and the satisfaction. It is longing for God which carves out a chamber within our hearts and makes room for Him to come to us. And this paves the way for the second side of communion; the manifest experience of Divine Love and Communion with Jesus.

Though this causes satisfaction, these manifest embraces of God only instigate deeper longing for God. And this new hunger will lead us to yet another encounter of His embrace.

We often treat the realm of love as though it were so far off. Even in our cries of longing, we give evidence of how mysterious we think it is. “Oh God, why are You so far? When will You come near?” Much of our longing does not come out of a true understanding of God’s proximity to us. He is near when we imagine He is far. Matt 28:10 “Lo, I am with you always”

We must be careful to not possess a theology of barrenness. We must know this about God: He delights to be near to us. He delights to come close and to speak to our hearts. He has come nearer to us than any man or angel would have thought conceivable. He dwells within our very beings. Have we responded to His invitation to fellowship with Him there?

He is always nearer than we imagined and there is always greater nearness to be known.

Dana Candler, 4/4/2006

Confused

Directed and made
Puposedly formed to walk today
Not yesterday nor tomorrow
Right is the time for us to see
Awakened to whats happening
Unashamed to the path im taking
Walking among radicals to revolt
To break the walls that encapsulates us all
Get out from that zone youre comforted in
To meet the one who we're supposed to meet
Dedicated to all your plans
Fascinated on the process, excited on the outcome
Preparing the way for the rain
The pouring of your spirit in the promised time
For our frame was not hidden from you
when we were made in the secret place
You know what we'll be
Your eyes saw my unformed body
All the days ordained for me was written
Even before one of them came true
Planned we were, To be what we we're to be
So why ask?
Am I confused? Well...
The title is

Sweet Surrender

I may lack words
I may lack everything you look for
but all i am is yours

My eyes could not satisfy
My ears may not comprehend
but all I am is yours

As I have recieved sacrifice
To what degree I may not know
You didnt have to

Who am I to deserve that
Who was I to be given of such
a sacrifice thats hard to comprehend

Oh the Love that I tasted
Oh what sight to behold
all I am is yours

My heart screams, craves and yearns
Your face, I will seek
Your heart I will chase

For you knew me to what I'll be
You know whats best for the rest
All I am is yours...

Blessed

Yesterday, I took my final interview at GIS. And finally, strike my name out from the unemployed demographic. Say hello to a soon to be tax payer wahahaha :)

Anyway, yesterday was a truly blessed day for me. Of course being hired is a special happening, what I love about the position the company gave is that I have the chance to interact with people. Which is always good. Spent all day with the gang (Gravity) and just talking in fellowship, sharing our fascination with Abba is just enough to make the day right.

I'm telling you that since the day that I truly accepted Christ as my Lord, Savior, and Lifetime Partner, my life began to be like a jiggsaw puzzle. One by one it all falls down to pieces, since day 1 of my birth, and the path that lead to where I am now. What I am supposed to do... What I am made for.

Later that night I just couldnt stop sharing my revelation on Matthew 25 to my friends after the Gravity Service (Every Friday 6:30, South City Church, Festival Mall, right on top of National Bookstore) . Building a personal relationship with Abba, within your own secret room, a lifestyle of prayer and fasting and not of waiting and complaining. A lifestyle of holiness and hatred towards sin. A lifestyle of pursuing "One Thing" (Psalms 27:4). Breaking the walls of religion and just pursuing the Man that has a burning passion towards us.

Matthew 6:6 (NASB)
But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.
*i recommend you read the whole chapter

From Love to Love

my heart screams
my emotions linger
these sessions starts a sunder
my dreams from thoughts, I ponder

someone to cry the time has come
awaken and meet the one who is to come
prepared or delaying, where do we place?
alas some fall short of heart to finish

a race that runs in our own pace
a marathon to see our perseverance
how far can we go...
how far will we go...

reasons to run, a reason for fun?
happy to do so? forced to be here?
questions remain as we take this path
a narrow road that a few find

see the way, see the end
love the journey, seek the glory
for those who endures, knows whats in them
we're this far, lets take the extra mile.

i just have to share this one...

I just cant let this go down without me posting what happened...
If Indy's going to use this title "The Day I Fell for Him" for his journal... mine is...

"The Day I Crashed Into Him"

*wink wink*

This day started with a bang... getting a message from someone, a fruitful quality time with God, and an interview that went well. But of course the pinnacle of the day was when I attended the Youth Conference (Initiated by Acts13) titled: Prepare the Way.

It all began with a good worship, and we heard this band from Olongapo that sang their original songs and it was good... Ill try to post a clip soon. But their songs hah! It really moved the people on that conference, I was so blessed just hearing them.

The preaching was about the Living water (John 4:13-14), and it depicts the Holy Spirit (The spirit of Christ in us) being our fountain inside. The spring that rises within our hearts, that overflows and gushes out of the temple (Which is us). And then the altar call came. And I was led into the crowd in front. Everybody was there, surrendering, abandoning themselves so that they will gain more of him who gives the living waters. The movement of the Spirit was really felt in the place, and I can just see them get drunk by the Spirit as they fell one by one.

And when I saw my friend got slain, and Pastor Keith heading to me, I told myself that I wont drop. But the title just speaks for itself. I crashed. I felt his hands over me and just hearing "Anointing" then bam... my knees starts to wobble as I crashed among the monobloc chairs.
It was an amazing experience, I really felt it, his presence all over the place, how the Spirit just moved to one kid to another.

And I began to see them leading their own groups of laying hands, healing of the sick and preaching and doing signs and wonders. Forerunners in the making...
Prepare the way... prepare the way for the Lord...

[Psalms 34:8]
(8) O, taste and see that the LORD is good;
How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!

Wallpapers

I had alot of free time today... so I played around with 2 wallpapers, something that depicts the vision of this generation...

Awaken
1024x768

The Man, The Vision, The Destination
1024x768

Its amazing to see how it all fits
A life of one man just starting to bloom and to be complete
How each moment represents a jigsaw puzzle piece
that was once seen alone
and when you start to put it together
a beautiful picture appears as the pieces hold together as one
how they form a beautiful sight to those who see
to those who see it as a unity, as a perfect cooperation of each
something sweet, something beautiful
something to behold as you gaze upon it

Lord, I thank you for making me whole and new. Thank you for giving me a new reason, a new idea and a whole new persepective. A new way to look at things, no longer will I be a "que sera sera". Thank you for giving me a direction, a map, a vision and to keep me on track

Lord, I thank you for the wonders that you continue to show me, thank you and the words that you just give me day after day after day. But basically, as broken as I was before, hard-headed and stubborn, You still sought me, and brought me home.

I pray that I wont lose sight, nor lose my way towards the destination, Lord may all things I encounter will reveal itself if it's from you or of this system. Protect my heart for it is known to be weak of such things, equip me with your wisdom. Lord let not my heart be decieved again, But I also pray Lord that let this be it, a somebody that could just add to the overwhelming joy that I have with you. In your name, I pray... Amen

Lost and Found the Reason

I once abandoned love
thinking I wont have one
nor feel how love is
Not until then,
when you called me again...

I once called it unjust
I once dubbed it overrated
That to me love was never fated
Not until then,
when you called me again...

I left the whole meaning of love
Torn and wasted
The filthy world I tasted
Not until then,
when you called me again...

I closed my eyes
covered my ears
didnt dared to speak
as my heart yells for You
To You, where hapiness never cease

In eternity I'll live
I'm Home again

When God Ran (Song Lyrics)

Almighty God, the great I am
Immovable rock,omnipotent,powerful awesome Lord
Victorious Warrior, commanding King of Kings
Mighty Conqueror, and the only time
The only time I ever saw Him run

Was when He ran to me, He took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest
Said "My son's come home again"
Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice
He said"Son,do you know I still love you?"
He caught me by surprise, when God ran

The day I left home I knew I'd broken His heart
And I wondered then if things could ever be the same
Then one night I remembered His love for me
And down that dusty road ahead I could see
It was the only time
It was the only time I ever saw Him run

And then He ran to me, took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest
Said, "My son's come home again"
Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice
He said,"Son,do you know I still love you?"
He caught me by surprise and brought me to my knees
When God ran, I saw Him run to me.

I was so ashamed, all alone and so far away
But now I know He's been waiting for this day

I saw Him run to me, He took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest
And said," My son's come home again"
Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice I felt His love for me again
He ran to me, He took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest
Said," My son's come home again"
Lifted my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in His voice
He said, "Son"
He called me Son
He said ,"Son do you know I still love you?"
He ran to me
And then I ran to Him
When God ran

Bothered with Comfort

Lord, I came to you stripped, bare and naked
You took me, held me tight as you revealed yourself to me
You clothed me, and blessed me as you took me home
And now that i have felt your touch, felt your presence
I no longer know what to do with these things they call important
Take me back home, to the place where you dwell...

Lost Sight, Gained Vision

Blind me with your beauty,
so that all i will remember will be the last sight i saw,
your glory,
and that i may remain dependent to you.
Take it all father, bring me back to you
Complete the circle, from where everything began
Hold me, Pull me or I'll run towards you
Blind me with your Glory!
So that everything will be lost, but you...

John 9:39 (NIV)
Jesus said "For judgement I have come to this world, so that the blind will see, and those who see will become blind"

Used Hands

Armed with a pen and your whispers
I will liberate those who dwell in darkness
Lost without your guidance
seeking Love, and fighting for the wrong reasons

With your words holding my pen
Onwards we will march towards your promise
And in your name, your light will pierce through them

Aurora Log:

I finally found what was missing in my life. I finally found joy and hapiness in exchange for the gloom and sadness i felt before leaving Manila. I finally saw the place in which i reside in delight.
In love, joy, and unexplainable hapiness. You might find me strange, you might see me different all of a sudden. Paul (once Saul the Roman Commander) was once.

Its amazing just to see when youre stripped of all the stuff you're used to, technology, vices, and just the stuff that keeps you busy to meditate and just search for your soul. Im ready, I give my life to THE POTTERS HANDS.

And in my sleep you renewed my dreams
No longer tormented, no longer in gloom
But living in love and intimacy
With YOU, im new...

W. Dreamer Blog Down til 4/6/2006

Dreamers Log. 2:54 am

This is it. My flight away from the city and to an unchartered land.
See you all on the 6th
Till then, fare thee well...

-Marco aka Wandering Dreamer

Oblivion Rising

Emotions, keeps playing its song
haunting my dreams, where i usually play
where i reside and wandered for so long
hurts me even more when i lay

To God I pray
please take these away
the burdens i carry everyday
since that day when i heared her say

No longer will i see
No longer will i feel
sleep, dream, and soar
this love... what for

Oblivion rising upon me
Lord help me out from this deep dark hole
i want to feel and see again
Why they're happy with this unjust love

"Hello World"

*sigh* this is it... we, graduates, are now officially unemployed. so eager to slack, so eager to just lie down and get back what school took... our moments in our bed hah. How come the thought of finding a job just bewilders me. Should i pursue the career of being a bum for a while? or will i just shoot the moon and go? Decisions, these are the stuff that makes adulthood hard.

I'm going to Aurora tomorrow along with m friends in church to restore Hope to the devastated place. Laugh all you want, but i want to wake up from the comforts of the urban life. I want my eyes to open on whats around, with that maybe, i might see things clearer...
Matt 14:22
Like Peter did, Im getting out of my boat... and you know how the story goes... you know who i am seeking, and who i am going to... with the raging seas and everything, if He says so, so be it.

side note:
6 days without computers, maybe phone (stupid sun), tv, this will be a trial for me hehe wish me luck :P

this is something like a soul searching thing for me
1 week hiatus from the comforts of technology and a bed... lets go!

Graduation Day!

It is within our grasps
the highlight of our youth
a new journey waiting to unfold
story of our flight soon to be told

On that isle we'll march
proudly, as we'll step one foot forward
with our colors as our pride
graduates, to the future, lets ride

And like the first day in our class
the first words we learned will be our last
"Hello World"
here we come...

Congratulations SBCA-CAS Graduates of Batch 2006!!!
Our time has come!

Soundtrack: PNE - Barkada, PNE - Saan Man Patungo, EHeads - Minsan, John Cena - My Time has Come

Barkada Tribute Post #2

After hearing the song i just couldnt let it go away... cheers to the friends that made my College a memorable one... Good Luck, and Have Fun!!!

Laughters that once filled the hall
People that once sat on that place
Missing stuff from their usual places
Are from my friends that will never be replaced

-Minsan-

minsan sa may kalayaan tayo'y nagkatagpuan
may mga sariling gimik at kaya-kanyang hangad sa buhay
sa ilalim ng iisang bubong
mga sekretong ibinubulong
kahit na anong mangyari
kahit na saan ka man patungo
ngunit ngayon kay bilis maglaho ng kahapon
sana'y huwag kalimutan ang ating mga pinagsamahan
at kung sakaling gipitin ay laging iisipin
na minsan tayo ay naging
tunay na magkaibigan
minsan ay parang wala nang bukas sa buhay natin
inuman sa magdamag na para bang tayo'y mauubusan
sa ilalim ng bilog na buwan
mga tiyan nati'y walang laman
ngunit kahit na walang pera
ang bawat gabi'y anong saya
minsan ay hindi ko na alam ang nangyayari
kahit na anong gawin
lahat ng bagay ay merong hangganan
dahil ngayon tayo ay nilimot ng kahapon
di na mapipilitang buhayin ang ating pinagsamahan
ngunit kung sakaling mapadaan baka
ikaw ay aking tawagan
dahil minsan tayo ay naging
tunay na magkaibigan

Barkada

for years we've laughed and tripped
for all the times we've held each other up
for all the pains and troubles we've dealt and endured
for all the times we just did nothing
for the 4 years you just stood there
short as it may be...

nothing will take those memories
thanks...

Barkada

heto na ang mga officials ng barkada
kanya-kanyang kalokohan ang bawat bida
merong medyo praning
meron din ang antukin
kumpleto sa rekado ang barkada namin

pinagtagpotagpo kami ng tadhana
kahit pinanggalingan namin ay iba iba
walang pakialam kung san mapadaan
basta't sabay-sabay kaming nagtatawanan

basta nanjan ang bawat miyembro ng tropa
ang kalokohan ay di mawawala
hindi na dapat pinag iisipan pa
lahat tayo ay dapat magsaya

musmos palang magkakasama na kami
nagkasundo kahit iba't ibang ugali
ganyan lang talaga saming munting barkada
kasakasama mo sa hirap at ginhawa

magkasabay mula sa pagsikat ng araw
magkasama hanggang daigdig ay magunaw
sa dami-dami ng aming napagdaanan
walang tatalo sa aming pinagsamahan

di na yata magsasawa
saming pagsasamasama
at sa aming barkada
asahan ng hindi mawawala
ang kalokohan at ang walang
tigil na tawanan sapagkat
ang bawat kabarkada namin ay sadyang ganyan

Just a Spur

6 billion people in the world,
different and apart,
6 billion different souls,
wandering on its own...

6 billion seems like a lot
but to change everthing
all you need is 1...

The Untitled VII

I couldve locked the door
I couldve ended it all
Took your keys and shut it close
But i just couldnt take what you took

My heart is aching i cant stay
My fists closed as i hit the wall
Im stuck in your presence
In your absence

Messages from the deep is killing me
Too far, i cant run anymore
I'm giving up, laying it all down
Even if it gives me an all day frown

Like the song says, we couldve been more
I just cant take it, I'll never get to be with you
My feelings, I'll bury youre free
No more of this, No remedies

Im shattered, devastated, and battered
Cracked open, bare and naked
I'll leave this empty, clean and raked
We couldve been more...

When will these feelings fly.

An open letter, To the idiots bitching in the street (from email)

An open letter
To the idiots bitching in the street,

Thanks a lot guys! Thank you for clogging up the city's main roads. Thanks for disrupting the country's business capital again. And thank you for fucking up the economy. You should pat yourselves on the back for accomplishing so much today. God knows nobody else accomplished as much today because you upset everybody else's normal everyday lives. And hey, I bet you guys needed something to do. Boredom can really be a bitch.

By the way, good thinking on doing this on a weekday! The people who needed to work today had a sort of day off. I guess you felt they needed that. You know, everyone who got stuck in traffic, and the employees who had to miss a day's pay because you couldn't wait to 'celebrate' EDSA's anniversary on it's proper date, which should have been tomorrow. But hey, we understand that kind of thinking. If you did it tomorrow, on a weekend, no one would really give a shit, would they? So we totally understand that you just had to do it today. You sure pissed a lot of people off! Good job!

I'm trying to imagine how exciting this time must be for you guys. You must have been up all night, trying to think of clever stuff to paint on your signs and placards and banners for your big day tomorrow. Waking up this morning, you guys must have felt like grade-schoolers getting dressed for their school’s foundation day. I really loved one sign I saw on TV, which read, "FIGHT POVERTY!" How clever! How utterly inspired! Imagine, parading around, braving the hot sun, letting everyone know how much you want to alleviate poverty. It’s a bit ironic though -- wanting to fight poverty while disrupting the lives of everybody else in the city who are actually trying to work today. If you think about it, maybe the idea for that slogan ain’t so hot. I just want to know why you’d want to clog the streets with your spectacle, bothering the people who’re really trying to fight poverty by actually working?

You guys must really be bummed because the police cracked down on your little party at EDSA today. They even arrested some of the dudes who wanted to get the party started. I feel ya, dogs. Here’s an alternative: why not hold the party at the big houses of the politicians rallying with you? Those guys are loaded! You should see their big yards and swimming pools. I bet they would even volunteer to take some of y’all on their shiny new SUVs and big, bad-ass Benzes. If only someone came up with that idea. That would be a hell of a party. It sure beats braving the hot sun. On the other hand, maybe being blasted with water from fire trucks is more fun than it looks.

The president pulled another party-pooper again, proclaiming a state of emergency and banning all rallies off the street. That must’ve pissed you guys off even more, right? She’s practically suppressing your rights! But don’t worry guys. There’s a lot of other fun stuff you can still do that’s within your rights. Like drinking gasoline. Or jumping off a bridge. Try it! Let’s see her make a rule banning that! That’ll show her.

I understand the anger. Heck, no one wants to pay higher taxes, right? Who cares about the improving economy because of that anyway? Maybe you guys don’t pay your taxes, so party on! One thing though, after everything’s said and done, she’s still in the palace, the taxes are still in place, but the economy suffered because of all the stunts you all planned. If only you guys could put your act together so everybody would have something to show for it. But maybe that wasn’t your fault. I’m sure you expected more people there with you, since the ex-president’s son kept insisting that 85% of the country is on your side.

What’s up with the police messing up the gathering? Man, that sure ruined everything, right? After all the planning, the hours thinking up the clever little chants, then having everyone memorize the words. They practically negated hours and hours of work! What’re you gonna do with the big banners now? What’s gonna happen to the big paper-mache heads of George Bush and GMA that you all made to burn in front of the news cameras? There goes your 15 minutes of fame.

Oh, well. Cheer up guys, you still accomplished a lot today.
Anyway, there’s always tomorrow. It’s not like you guys have anything better to do, right?

Heaven Knows - Orange and Lemons

There are times when I’m lying in my bed
Hug my pillow and cry from this tip again
And my eyes are like windshields on a rainy day
Almost rubbed down, swelling, as I keep on
Dipping my face in these cold hands of mine
Heaven knows how bitter I am

‘Cause this angel has flown away from me
Leaving me in drunken misery
I should have clipped her wings and made her mine
For all eternity
Now this angel has flown away from me
Thought I had the strength to set her free
Did what I did because I love her so
Will she ever find her way back home to me
Aah…

I’m so tired, I feel like catching forty winks
Being up all night in this elbow room
That puts me in a trance
Where hopes and dreams come true
Now my lips are burning and my eyes are hurting
From this fuse I mixed till I light another
Cigarette just to pass my time, oh
Heaven knows how bitter I am

The Feb 5 Aftermath

Well i didnt get the verdict that i was expectin, but hey, i aint goin to defend anymore. We got Major Revisions, but its all good. Whats done is done, and all i have to do is to revise something and submit and chill...

Anyway thats it. Congratulations to those who passed the defense! PARTY UP!

soundtrack for the day: Snoop Dogg - Gin and Juice ::: The Game - Hate it or Love it

Feb 5. Judgement Day

What could be the verdict on the highlight of all IT graduates tomorrow? i wont lie, i am worried, and im on the verge of shitting myself just having the thought of defending it. Im trying to be calm, but its a fine line between failure and success. I need the BIG MAN's help tomorrow, very very bad.

4 years of college, and it all comes down to this. We're facing a tough panel tomorrow and come what may, its an opportunity so i'll take it.

Pray for me tomorrow, i need it bad.

Soundtrack for the day: Eminem - Lose Yourself ::: R. Kelly - World's Greatest

So Sick (NE-YO)

Gotta change my answering machine
Now that I'm alone
Cuz right now it says that we
Can't come to the phone
And I know it makes no sense
Cuz you walked out the door
But it's the only way I hear your voice anymore
(it's ridiculous)
It's been months
And for some reason I just
(can't get over us)
And I'm stronger then this
(enough is enough)
No more walkin round
With my head down
I'm so over being blue
Cryin over you

Gotta fix that calender I have
That's marked July 15th
Because since there's no more you
There's no more anniversary
I'm so fed up with my thoughts of you
And your memory
And how every song reminds me
Of what used to be

(Leave me alone)
Leave me alone
(Stupid love songs)
Dont make me think about her smile
Or having my first child
Let it go
Turning off the radio

And I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?

Not enough

will i ever find courage
will i ever see my dream
will i ever feel the warmth
of arms around me beside a furnace

dreams foretold
dreams i'll hold
real worlds a mess
everythings just a miss

will i still believe in love
to hope and care?
or just be cold and bare
for i seek the person who's no longer there

i always think its not fair
for all the love i give
i dont even get my share
now tell me whats fair

im enraged, im angered
but love still lingers
with hope, i hold on my dreams
head on my way, its not enough

so i bid farewell to you
dark and cold
twisted and bothered
thats how ill leave
farewell to the light
farewell...

Inspirations that builds our inner self

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Excerpt from "Coach Carter"

Think about it... let us liberate ourselves, and liberate others... shine! and let others be inspired and do what we do...

when you really digest these words, we ask ourselves are we capable of these things? well he did why cant we? We always look for examples and try to do what he did... so in my own way... we can build ourselves our own utopia... perfect is not impossible... impossible is nothing. Work together and all will be perfect, we as individuals might not be perfect but we as countrymen, brothers under one flag can make it happen. Change is inevitable... HIS favor is upon us...

OUR TIME on 3!

The Wonder of Torrents

Im just having a quick R & R before going back on working with my thesis. And writing about something eventhough you guys already know about it is relaxing and gets my mind working.

Anyway, what is a torrent? It's way of getting your stuff from the internet through P2P (peer-2-peer networking) aside from your Kazaa, Bearshare, E-Mule or Limewire. It does the same thing, gives you stuff for free. May it be music, games, movies or utilities. The only difference between P2P softwares and torrents is that torrents gives you the whole package. Its archived for you to download everything in one click.

In softwares like Limewire, you search for a particular song, and you download them one by one, torrent softwares can provide you a .torrent of a whole album (if you like all of the songs in that album). Another advantage between a torrent and using P2P softwares like limewire (alright ill just call it P2P softwares) is that you can check the comments made by a person who already has the file, since you have to pass through a site (ex. Torrentspy or TorrentBox) before downloading torrents.

And in a nutshell, torrents can give you the whole package. Just like having the whole cd ripped for 4 or more hours (depends on the filesize and your download speed).

Thats all, :D

Ultraelectromagneticjam - The music of the Eraserheads

Hindi mapakali, magdamag hinahanap... thats music for me, I cant live without my earphones plugged on my ears. We listen to it while we walk, we do homeworks, while travelling, or while taking a crap. And whats amazing about music, is we leave it for 10 or more years and it comes back to you bringing your past memories while listening to them. You talk about it with people among your age bracket. When you hear songs like "Ang Huling El Bimbo" you just suddenly talk about it with them. How about a whole new tribute album for the band that brought music to my childhood days? A tribute to the music of the Eraserheads who gave us a whole new meaning of what OPM is back in the 90's. The band that opened our ears with their lines "Di ba T*ng Ina!" is definitley worth the tribute, and the 300Php that I exchanged for this bliss.

10 or so years ago, we begin to brag about our walkman and no walkman is found without Ultraelectromagneticpop, Circus, or Cutterpillow plugged in it.

Now that we have our iPod's and W800i's, it brings back the days where we walk hand in hand with our old portable casette players, to the digitalized colorful "chuva" we call mp3 players, and still with our favorite Eraserheads songs, sung by today's OPM kings and Queens.

When I bought the album, i was kinda disappointed not to find 2 of my oldtime favorite E-heads songs, "Waiting for the Bus, and Poorman's Grave) but finding almost all of their hits in it.

I like almost all of it but to mention some of the tracks, i like South Border's version of With a Smile (although the original is still better, but its a new sound of the already good song), Orange and Lemon's Huwag kang Matakot semi-medly (with riffs of Julie Tearjerky and background singing of Tikman's chrous). Of course Imago's Spoliarium revision is on my top ranking among the favorites. Francis M's Super Proxy 2k6 brings back the heavy tunes and of this song with a much harder strum (hooray for distortions). And the soothing voice of Juris of MYMP reinvented another Cutterpilow hit "Huwag Mo nang Itanong" adding a relaxing acoustic and piano tunes to it. Of course Radioactive Sago Project will never be left out of my list, their smashing jazzy chuva tunes rendered into Alcohol. Sugarfree and Rico J. Puno wraps up the favorites with their cover of Tikman (a song written for Burger Machine commercial) and Ang Huling El Bimbo.

Other tracks that are included are the following:

Magasin (Paolo Santos)
Overdrive (Barbie Almalbis)
Ligaya (Kitchie Nadal)
Pare Ko (Spongecola)
Hard To Believe (Cueshe)
Maling Akala (Brownman Revival)
Para Sa Masa (Various Artists)